I Took The Risk

I did it. And it was worth it. I've never been so happy. I've never felt so complete...so perfect, like everything was moving in a slow-paced movie-kind-of-way. And all I knew is that there was nothing else that I could ever ask for.

Then fear sank in.

Fear that it won't last for long...that maybe this is just a taste of something that I could never have. 

I was so scared. No, "terrified" is the word.

I couldn't pray. I'm scared to know what God's will is. I'm scared to face reality.

And I can do nothing about it.

Wretched

What if you have something that you desire to have that you couldn't have. It sounded really that simple. But what if that "something" has been your dream ever since you were little. Almost everybody else in the world could have it. Well, everybody....except you. 

As you were growing up, you realize that maybe it just ain't for you. You just watch and stare with longing to the people around who have it. Then you finally come to accept that you will never have your dream. Never in this lifetime. That it ain't even possible. That maybe you were one of the chosen who could never have it. 

Then one day came. Suddenly hope came like a kindled fire in the void of your datkness. Everything seemed possible now that made you into thinking that maybe you have a chance after all. But the problem is, you are no longer that little kid who's fond of dreaming. You are now much wiser and knowledgable about things. You now understand why the universe would never allow you to have what you have desired most. The thing is...it is now possible... 

But it might cost you your soul.

Will you take the risk?

A Letter From The Past

I once came into this really cool website called FutureMe.org where you could write a letter to your future self. Basically you'll just compose a letter for yourself and they will send it to you (well email, that is) after exactly one year. I was so bored back then and I was ecstatic to try it out. And, as what the website had promised, I got the mail last April. I just forgot to share it to you.

So, without further adieu, here is the letter. A letter from the past.

Whooops. Creepy!

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed 11 months and 30 days ago, on April 13, 2012. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org

Dear FutureMe,
I'm writing to you now because I was sooo freeakin' bored. Yep. It will be Sabbath later and we just finished 3 sets of those crazy killer cardio exercises. So... yeah. kind'a tired but feeling great.
You know, We are sooo far from God these past few days and thankfully, He has lifted us up. AGAIN. You well know how it goes dude. I hope you've overcome this darling sin that brings us down. God is suppose to be the center of your life. Nothing else.
How's your spiritual journey so far? I hope everything's going well between you and our Father. Hope you're ready to meet Jesus any time now. He's already at the door. :)
How's your physique? Right now, I'm still at 140 lbs or a little more (we've been overeating this summer, LOL) and 5'7 tall. I'm currently sunburned. We just had our church hiking (your very first hiking ever @ Mt. Manabu, yey!) and we had a swimming at Batangas afterwards and had our very first Splash Island experience with the Ligan family. We had our spa with bestfriends and watched Wrath of the Titans with YCGs. Fun fun fun summer.
How's your summer by the way? I suppose you're very busy. OJT right? How did 4th year went? I know it's been tough for you. I still have no idea right now what kind of hell I will be passing through. Can I handle it?
We just recently and miraculously (you were sure you failed Advanced) passed the compre. You placed 5th for Auditing Theory. Tell me you're ready to top the board exam! Remember that you have actually zero math abilities. LMAO! I wonder how you managed to be an Accountancy student still! God definitely works miracle my friend. Tell me about the new miracles that you've witnessed this year.
Have you become fit already? Oh please tell me you have abs now and good looking arms. HAHA! If not, s'okay! Never too late John. :D
How's mama? How's papa? How about ate? I hope they're fine and very very happy. Have you succeeded in bringing papa back to God already? Remember you promised you won't give up.
How many people have you inspired for the past year? Have you met "her" already? LOL. Geez I have a LOT of questions to ask!! Okay. Forget about sentences. I'll just bullet them alright? Getting tired now. Still lazy. haha (hope you've overcome that already.)
-Have you given May, Myrem and Lian they're graduation gifts?!?!?!! (You became broke afterwards I suppose! LMAO!)
-Is Bunjang still a devilish brat little kid?? Geez I hate that kid. But I love her. hahaha.
-Is Iris and Orvile going steady now? HAHAHAHA!
-How many 4th year BSA batchmates of yours are left now? Hope you're still more than 8.
-Did Mama actually bought the New iPad???? Please.please.please!! :))))
-Do you look better than me now??? haha!
-Tell me you're white. and blemish free!!!! oh yesss!!
-How was the ending of Breaking Dawn?? Still sucks?
-What books, save the Accounting books, have you read? Which ones are your favorites?
-I currently have the LG phone right now. It's commiting suicide. HAHA! What's your phone?
-Tell me you're reading this letter on your Macbook Pro and it's still in perfect health.
-Are there flying cars already??
-How did the December 12, 2012 go?? I'm sooo excited to know!
-Tell me you're still qualified for Magna cum laude or I'll kill the teacher who might've ruined our dream!
-We went gaga for the iPhone 4S. How's Siri in your generation now?
-How was Allen's board exam? Or are they still about to take it?
-Have you overcome "IT"? You know what I mean. Please. Tell me you did.
-Do you wear glasses now? Or are you still a martyr over your eyes?
-How's your allergy?
-What's Ate's job right now?
-Is mama still in DIAGEO?
-Is papa still addicted to boxing?? HAHA
-How did the Corona issue go?
-Do you currently have a crush on someone??? ayeeeee! tell me about it!
-How's church??
WE HAVE A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO!!!
But yeah. This email would protest. hahaha! Too long a message.
Now that you've read it, I guess it's time for you to write a letter again for the next "us" in April 13, 2014. Gosh! Tell him goodluck for the boards and TOP it! Tell Him to have more faith and continue to be gorgeous and amazing. Inspire more people John. I will always be a part of you. Never forget me. Never forget your past because it is where the "You" came out from.
God Bless you always. I LOVE YOU.
Pray. :)
With utmost love,
John of April 13, 2012.




There you go. Now go to the website and make a letter to the future you!

Note: I wasn't paid to advertise them. LOL

Delta

A pyramid. The mathematical symbol for "change".

A lot has happened in the past two years that I haven't blogged. Things went out of control. Things happened the way it shouldn't have. Basically, it feels like nothing is going right. This is not the future that I had imagined two years ago.

Yesterday while I was surfing the web, I clicked the "New Tab" which led me to a screen where my favorite websites are arranged in a panel. And there it was, a cobwebbed website I haven't visited for a while--my very own blog. I went in and read the posts that I made years ago. I read them and was exactly surprised. It felt like I was reading somebody else's work! Realizations came flooding in.

I am now a very different man.

They said that change is inevitable, that people change for the better, that the present is already the best version of ourselves. I beg to disagree. Sometimes people tend to become more wretched and vile because of how circumstances transform them. Their choices affect who they are, slowly, but it build up who they will become. And here I am, stuck into regret of the choices that I made for the past years. I never imagined how my choices which seemed not a big deal before have put me into this pitfall of darkness.

Oh what I would do to be that man again two years ago. God-fearing. Faithful. Positive.

Only God can save me now.

A Glimpse of Heaven

The White Mountain from charles on Vimeo.

"The heavens never cease to fascinate. Who in the right mind would not fall in love with something so beautiful." -Douglas

The Gift of Forgiveness

"Although Jesus carved the law in eternal stone and etched Babylon's curse on cedar walls, He writes our sins in dust ---dust that vanish, erased by the breath of His love and forgiveness." -Anonymous (an excerpt from Isaiah 44:22)

Have you ever been into that point in your life when you feel so filthy, so sinful, so ragged that you just have no options left but to cry out to God for His mercy? Oh, how grateful you were when you felt His instant forgiveness! You immediately feel a shift in your mood, and you feel a strange warm sensation engulfing your soul. The feeling is the most incredible thing that you've ever felt. It almost feels ecstatic. 'Tis a feeling you never ever would have experienced in your wandering in this lonely world.

God's mercy. It is a mercy like no other. No one but His Son Jesus was the only one who had ever forgiven as such here on earth. Amidst all the mockery and shame He had experienced while in the pit of His sorrow before His death, He asked His Father for the forgiveness those people never deserved ---the very people who caused His suffering and death.

I myself never deserved God's forgiveness. Oftentimes, I question God the same questions that have been boggling me ever since: 'Why?' 'Why does He forgive so easily?' 'Why does He love me so?' Yet God answers me by the same answer, "I just do."

I often look at how it must have been for God. I have been sinning the same sins that I have been confessing yet I never have reached the point of repentance that I wanted. I sometimes tell God, "Father, how can I ever fight the devil when he had been here since the beginning of the world and have already mastered the weakness of the human flesh? How can I be pure if I am naturally unclean?" Yet with every stumble and fall, He never fails to lift me up and receive me again and again and again and again....and again. He never fails to let me feel very welcome in His arms; to let me feel the same warmth that He had let me feel when I first received Him to my self. 

Would God ever be tired of my sins? Would he ever get tired of me? In the world's point of view as what it views "the natural supposed-to-be way", the answer would be a "Yes" but fortunately, my God is not a worldly God. He is a God like no other. He is the God that I will serve forever. Yes, He is very mysterious in all His ways but I just love Him just the way He is.

In all my past sinnings and my future ones, I made a promise with Him. I told Him that however sinful and filthy I may have become or even if the door of heaven closes from me, I will always come back to Him and never cease in praising His holy name.

"Fearless"

In my university, we devote a week per semester wherein we have shortened class periods and we just go into our university church, sit down and hear God's words spoken by chosen students. We call it, the ever so blessed "Week of Prayer".

"Fear not, For I AM with you."

We just had our week of prayer last week and there is no doubt that everyone was inspired and touched by God's words. The theme of our Week of Prayer for this semester is "FEARLESS". It talks about becoming fearless in the arms of Jesus. I just want to share our theme song composed by one of our ever so talented Music student which name I don't know.

Be inspired just like how I am every time I sing this song.

**********

"Fearless"

I.

All around the world 

Are wickedness and trouble

Hopelessness and fear 

Are in the hearts of people

These are Satan's wiles

To cause my life to stumble

But in Christ I put my trust,

There's no need to tremble!

Chorus:

I am FEARLESS!

Because my whole life is in Jesus

I am FEARLESS!

Because it's Christ who lives in me

As I unfold into His breast

There within His arms to rest

I am FEARLESS

Because He lives in me..

II.

Nothing of this world

Had caused my Christ to stumble

Every grief and pain

He endured for my salvation

Soon He will return

And bring me up to heaven

Where all tears and fears are gone,

There, forever singing!


(Chorus)


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"If God is with us, who can be against us?"